Funny

62-Year-Old With Gun Only One Standing Between Nation And Full-Scale Government Takeover

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Bailey, the last thing standing between the American people and a totalitarian state.

– 62-Year-Old With Gun Only One Standing Between Nation And Full-Scale Government Takeover (THE ONION, Jan 22, 2013):

NORFOLK, VA—According to numerous reports, local 62-year-old Earl Bailey, who owns a shotgun and several boxes of ammunition, is currently the last bastion of defense between the United States of America and the federal government’s plot of a full-scale takeover.

Bailey, a recent retiree and a proud advocate of gun rights, has been confirmed by multiple sources as being a true patriot, and is, at present, the only person capable of preventing top-secret forces within the government from striking and forcefully coercing hundreds of millions of Americans to submit to a fascist and brutal New World Order.

Since the early 1990s, sources estimated the gun owner has staved off innumerable large-scale government threats, all from the center of his 12-acre ranch.

Read more62-Year-Old With Gun Only One Standing Between Nation And Full-Scale Government Takeover

Monsanto Cucumbers Cause Genital Baldness – Immediately Banned In Nova Scotia

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– Monsanto Cucumbers Cause Genital Baldness — Immediately Banned in Nova Scotia (The Lapine):

A six-month study by AgriSearch, an on-campus research arm of Dalhousie University, has shown that genetically modified (GM) cucumbers grown under license to Monsanto Inc. result in serious side effects including total groin hair loss and chafing in “sensitive areas”, leading to the immediate and total ban of sales of all that company’s crop and subsequent dill pickles.

The tracking study of 643 men and women in Nova Scotia came about after reports began to surface about bald field mice and the bald feral cats that ate them being discovered by farmers on acreages growing the new crop.

“The bald wild animals raised a huge flag and we immediately obtained subpoenas for the medical records of all 600 plus adults who took part in focus groups and taste tests of the cucumbers by Monsanto in Canada,” said Dr. Nancy Walker, Director of Public Health Research at Dalhousie. “Fully 3/4 of the people who ate these cukes had their crotch area hair fall out. This is not a joking matter at all…these people now have hairless heinies.”

Read moreMonsanto Cucumbers Cause Genital Baldness – Immediately Banned In Nova Scotia

HUMOR: Top Ten Reasons Why Fiat Currency Is Superior To Gold (Or Silver) Money

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– Top Ten Reasons Why Fiat Currency Is Superior To Gold (Or Silver) Money (The Daily Capitalist, Dec 27, 2012):

By John Butler, on December 27th, 2012

In the spirit of the holidays and hope for a more prosperous 2013, I thought my readers might appreciate a little humour to partially offset the relentless doom and gloom associated with the Amphora Report. So please, don’t take this edition too seriously. But if you happen to stumble across a ‘paperbug’ or two over the holidays, perhaps you could share some of the points made here. Humour sometimes helps people realise just how hopelessly misguided they are. Cheers!

Number 10: There Is Not Enough Gold (Or Silver) In The World To Serve As Money

Let’s begin with the obvious. We know that central banks the world over have printed money at exponentially growing rates for years. There is now so much paper and electronic money floating around the world that gold (or silver) can not possibly be expected to keep up. You can’t print gold, after all, you need to find it, dig it out of the ground, refine it, etc, a hugely expensive and time-consuming process which practically ensures a stable rather than exponentially growing supply of the stuff.

Read moreHUMOR: Top Ten Reasons Why Fiat Currency Is Superior To Gold (Or Silver) Money

Military Ballots Delivered One Day Late, Would Have Swung Election For Romney

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… but so the ‘other‘ elite puppet won! 🙂

OK, this is from the Duffel Blog!

I actually linked to the source but ‘forgot’ to say that this is supposed to be funny/satire/humor.

My apologies if this stired up your emotions.

The military would not vote for Romney (only for Ron Paul!!!), because Romney would have meant war with Iran and WW III.

Elite puppet teleprompter Obama is also only doing what he is told to do by his elite masters and that certainly leaves WW III on the table.

Flashback:

March, 2012: Open Mic? Obama Tells Russian President Medvedev ‘After My Election, I Have More Flexibility’ (FOX News, Video):

At a nuclear security summit in South Korea on Monday, President Obama talked to Russian President Dmitry Medvedev about missile defense in eastern Europe. During the conversation that was likely meant to be private, Obama assured Medvedev that he would have “more flexibility” after the November election.

Obama asked Medvedev to relay this message to Vladimir Putin, saying, “On all these issues, but particularly missile defense … this can be solved, but it’s important for him to give me space,” to which Medvedev told the president he understood.

Ed Henry reports that White House officials are saying that the president is just speaking to the political reality of the situation.

– ??Military Absentee Ballots Delivered One Day Late, Would Have Swung Election For Romney (The Duffel Blog, Nov 7, 2012):

WASHINGTON, DC – Sources confirmed today that hundreds of thousands of military absentee ballots were delivered hours after the deadline for them to be counted, with preliminary counts showing that they would have overturned the vote in several states and brought a victory for Governor Mitt Romney.Officials say the ballots were delivered late due to problems within the military mail system. Tracking invoices show the ballots sat in a warehouse for a month, then they were accidentally labeled as ammunition and shipped to Afghanistan. At Camp Dwyer, Marine Sergeant John Davis signed for them and was surprised at the contents.

“I told Gunny we got a bunch of ballots instead of ammo,” Davis told investigators earlier today.  “He told me to file a report of improper delivery and that the chain of command would take care of it.  We didn’t hear anything for three weeks.  While we were waiting we came under fire so we dumped a bunch of them in the Hescoes.  We didn’t dig those ones back out.”

After military officials realized the initial error, the ballots were then sent back to the U.S. but suffered a series of setbacks.

Twelve boxes of ballots were dropped overboard during delivery to the USS Kearsarge (LHD-3) in the Persian Gulf, then while the ship sailed to Bahrain, postal clerks allegedly pocketed whatever ballots they wanted.

The remaining absentee ballots were loaded onto a C-130, but the flight was delayed until November 1st so the crew could get tax free pay for the month.  Once the ballots arrived stateside they were promptly mailed to each state’s counting facility, reaching their final destination on November 7th.

“It’s a shame,” Rear Admiral John Dawes said when asked for comment.  “I expected a delay so I ordered that everyone cast their votes eight months ago. It’s really unfortunate that our mail system failed us and directly affected the course of history.”

Read moreMilitary Ballots Delivered One Day Late, Would Have Swung Election For Romney

Captain Bernanke & USS Keynes En Route To Destroy America

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“By a continuing process of inflation, governments can confiscate, secretly and unobserved, an important part of the wealth of their citizens. There is no subtler, no surer means of overturning the existing basis of society than to debauch the currency. The process engages all the hidden forces of economic law on the side of destruction, and does it in a manner which not one man in a million is able to diagnose.”
– John Maynard Keynes

The USS Keynes is on route

With missiles and planes prepped to shoot

We’ll make you feel great

With the debt we create

While the wealth of your nation we loot

The Limerick King

Source

 

Humor: Don’t Drink And Trade

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– Friday Humor: Don’t Drink And Trade (ZeroHedge, Sep 28, 2012):

Broker Sent Oil Prices to Eight Month High in a Drunken Stupor

On June the 30th 2009 oil mysteriously jumped by more than $1.50 a barrel during the night, to reach its highest price in eight months, the kind of swing that is caused by a major geopolitical event.

The amazing, true cause of this price spike has now been released by a Financial Services Authority investigation (FSA).

Although not authorised to invest company cash in trades Steve Perkins, a long standing, senior broker at PVM Oil Futures, had managed to spend $520 million on oil futures contracts throughout the night.

On the morning of the 30th an admin clerk called Mr Perkins to ask why he had bought 7 million barrels of crude during the night. Mr Perkins had no recollection of the transactions, and it turned out that he had made the trades during a “drunken blackout.”

By the time PVM had realised the transactions had not been authorised by a client, they had incurred losses of $9,763,252.

Between the hours of 1.22am and 3.41am, Mr Perkins gradually bought 69 percent of the global market, whilst driving prices up from $71.40 to $73.05, by bidding higher each time.

Read moreHumor: Don’t Drink And Trade

Humor: ‘The New Normal Asset Manager’ (Video)

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– The New Normal Asset Manager (ZeroHedge, Sep 7, 2012):

Curious why legendary hedge fund managers are shutting down shops left and right in disgust with the mockery that central planning and algorithmic short-termism had made of equity markets? Don’t be: his name is Julian Marchese, he runs a “macro fund”… and he is 16. Don’t get us wrong: we enjoy the next youth trading prodigy, and here the Schwab baby comes to mind, as much as everyone else. Our concern is when it is the people who have never even seen half of a business cycle that start running your money, and, probably worse, making money, which leads them to believe they know what they are doing, and gets gullible LPs to allocate capital to them based on a 3 month track record, when in reality the entire market is one merely primed for outperformance courtesy of central planner puts and priced to Bernie Madoff ponzi perfection, targeting a specific investor type. And here the Schwab baby comes to mind again.

Elsewhere:


YouTube

On Infinite Human Stupidity (Video)

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– Friday Humor: On Infinite Human Stupidity (ZeroHedge, Aug 24, 2012):

Here’s a clip that’s a good lesson in how to get famous: Appear famous.

On the night of July 27th, 2012, a huge prank was pulled in New York City and this is the video of what took place. Brett Cohen came up with a crazy idea to fool thousands of pedestrians walking the streets of Times Square into thinking he was a huge celebrity, and it worked! Not only did it work, it caused quite a sir. This social experiment, of sorts, makes a profound statement about how modern culture is so attracted to pop culture, without any real credibility needed.

He dressed up like a typical celebrity and was accompanied by an entourage of two professional bodyguards, two assistants, and photographers pretending to be paparazzi. While the assistants and photographers waited for Brett to exit the 49th street marquee at NBC Studios, they started a buzz that a “big star” was about to walk out, thus making it worth their while to wait and get a picture. Many asked the crew whom Brett was, and no answer was given. They were forced to either make something up, or just take a picture with him in hopes that their Facebook friends or Twitter followers might have a better idea.

As the crew walked over to Times Square, the crowds around Brett grew on each consecutive block. Very few people even questioned who he was, where he was from, or what he does. Brett took pictures with nearly 300 people before the stunt ended. The video even includes interviews with people who had just taken a picture with Brett, and puts them in an awkward position when they’re asked questions such as, “Where do you know Brett from?” and “What’s your favorite movie he was in?” Many of them were overwhelmingly excited over Brett’s walk through Times Square, and it showed.


YouTube

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart: Libor Banking Scandal Explained & GOP Talking Points Destroyed – Mystery Finance Theater 2012 (Video)

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The Daily Show
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The Daily Show
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

The Daily Show
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook