Ten Wonderful Things I’m Grateful For (Irony Alert)


Ten Wonderful Things I’m Grateful For (Irony Alert) (Of Two Minds, April 20, 2015):

Being grateful boosts your happiness. Ten wonderful things I’m grateful for.

Since every volume on the nearly endless shelf of pop psychology self-help books recommends working up some gratitude as the key to happiness, I’ve conjured up a list of what I’m grateful for. (Please turn your irony setting on.)

1. I’m grateful that our choice of president has been reduced to two equally detestable dynasties or their proxies. This greatly simplifies the process of selecting a warmongering figurehead for the Empire and its bankers.

2. I’m grateful that I can watch a full spectrum of entertainment, ranging from depraved to dreadfully unfunny on any device at anytime. This white noise helps block out any troubling clarity of thought or urge to ask what I might feel if I wasn’t constantly distracted.

3. I’m grateful that there are so many opportunities to borrow money, because if I couldn’t borrow more, I might miss an astounding opportunity to consume more of something I don’t really need.

4. I’m grateful that every food item in the store now contains sugar in one form or another, or a sugar substitute. This simplifies the process of maintaining my addiction to sugar, as all I need to do is eat anything produced by Corporate America’s food sector.

5. I’m grateful I live in a country where the government can trample on the rights of its citizens behind a thin veil of legitimacy. After all, what terrible thing might happen if the government couldn’t arrest those horrible people tearing up their front yard lawn to plant a vegetable garden?

6. I’m grateful for our national obsession with fostering phony self-esteem that has no basis in accomplishment, dedication or sacrifice for others, as the self-absorbed, entitled populace will still feel good about themselves as the bloated, dysfunctional status quo implodes.

7. I’m grateful that we have institutionalized moral hazard as the unspoken law of the land, so financiers can gamble billions of dollars without worrying about the potential losses, as they know the taxpayers will foot the bill while they get to keep any gains.

8. I’m grateful our financial markets are now dominated by Federal Reserve manipulation, high frequency trading and dark pool shadow banking. This guarantees that all we commoners need to do to make a lot of money playing the stock market is to buy the dips.

9. I’m grateful that money can buy political influence so transparently, as this informal auction is open to anyone with tens of millions of dollars who wants to protect and expand their wealth and power.

10. I’m grateful that our mainstream media is owned by a handful of corporations, as the homogenized message they broadcast is reassuringly uniform. If every outlet is repeating that unemployment and inflation are low and the rising stock market is making us all wealthier, it must be true.

*  *  *
Now do feel better?

3 thoughts on “Ten Wonderful Things I’m Grateful For (Irony Alert)”

  1. Nothing like spending a few days in hospital without the noise protection of the DVR and HBO…….I have not seen mainstream TV since the advent of the VCR, nor have I seen a commercial. The revelation has been shocking.

    They are selling pig Clinton to the masses……on all channels, along with Medical Marijuana. Since the nation has lost millions of jobs, much of its wealth and most of its rights……now, the craven fascists have decreed they can drown their sorrows in pot. The same drug war led by her husband is now blessed by her. What horrible people.

    The false opposition is equally appalling. I have spoken to a couple of people still in the media propaganda bath, and told them the sight of a bush vs Clinton once again ought to motivate them to build a 3rd party. Told it cannot be done, and I told them if they believe that, settle for the swine.

    Truly awful. I agree with all written here.

  2. An article asking rhetorically what happened between the civil rights movement of the 1960s and why?
    The end of a free press is what happened. Next, consolidation of the media followed by destruction of capitalism by monopolies. Then, the Coup of 2000, followed by the financial takeover and consumption by greedy guts. After all wealth and hope was removed, Americans were given the right to smoke pot…….a byproduct of the 1960s…..

    How can this article even ask?


  3. Hope your feeling better Marilyn!
    We all know how I feel about that evil bitch!!!!
    I hate the Bushes as well. The Patriot act was passed with one bush and the ball has kept rolling since. They are all pieces of shit! The same laws will pass regardless of who is in charge! Are these people truly the best this country has to offer?! If you believe so then you deserve everything you get with them!
    I’m a stupid fucking worker drone and I care more about our country and can do a better job than these ass holes! Guess what else? I won’t feed you shit and tell you it’s sprinkles. I have the balls to be honest and have more in common with the vast majority of the population than any of these out of touch rich fucks. They have either never had to decide to pay a bill or put food on the table or they have forgotten what it’s like to make that decision! Why do you people keep playing their stupid fucking games? When will you learn that running into the same wall over and over produces the same result? Oh, I get it, it’s a different wall this time. We’ll good luck with that rationale! Maybe I’m not as fucking dumb as I think I am! Maybe the rest of you are Dumber than I give you credit for;0


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